Mooning Foxes
by Surreal Seductive Satire
Summary: Naruto Drabbles of a different sort... Short Story each chapter. Different pairing each story. Pairings listed as chapter titles. Warnings: AUs, Yaoi, Het, Harem, OTPs, OT3s, lemons, limes, language, hott actionz. Something for all! Review plz?
1. Deidara Deidara

**To Love Oneself**

On a sharp and tingly morning, Deidara sat on the side of the bed. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His mouth ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect his right-hand to love someone with an equally seductive left-hand?

Roughly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a hot artistic nail polish, all on a summer's day. I wish my right-hand would lick me, in his own sexy way..."

"Do you?" Deidara's right-hand sat beside Deidara and put his mouth on Deidara's penis. "I think that could be arranged."

Deidara gasped sexily. "But what about my seductive left-hand?"

"I like it," Deidara's right-hand said quickly. "I think it's hard."

They came together and their kiss was like someone who had not felt true sexual release in years.

"I love you," Deidara said slowly.

"I love you too," Deidara's right-hand replied and fucked him.

They bought a bird, moved in together, and lived seductively ever after.


	2. Itachi Kisame

**I'm Dreaming Of...**

It was Christmas Eve. Kisame sat sexily on a round rotating bed, sipping squishy eggnog.

He looked at the scaley cloak hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Itachi had hung it there, just before they looked at each other angrily and then fell into each other's arms and fucked each other's penis.

If only I hadn't been so seductive, Kisame thought, pouring a horny amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Itachi might not have got so sultry and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a wet tear and held his mouth in his hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a sticky voice lifted quickly up in song.

Kisame ran to the door. It was Itachi, looking sharp all over with snow.

"I missed you cockily," Itachi said. "And I wanted to fuck your penis again."

Kisame hugged Itachi and started to sob.

"I think you're drunk," Itachi said.

"I think so too," Kisame said and they fucked each other's penis until they knocked the Christmas tree over.

On Christmas Day, they ate roasted shark chest and lived insanely until Kisame got drunk again.


	3. Deidara Tobi

**The Battle For The Clay**

In the air, Deidara fucked his clay. He had been busy with the clay for hours and now wanted nothing more than a horny cuddle or a manly massage from his lover Tobi.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his soft Tobi appeared at the door, grinning explosively.

"Put down the clay," Tobi said roughly. "Unless you want me to fuck that clay on your mouth."

Deidara put down the clay. He was wet. He had never seen Tobi so hard before and it made him hot.

Tobi picked up the clay, then withdrew a cloak from his tongue. "Don't be so wet," Tobi said with a hard grimace. "A bird bit my penis this morning, and everything became dripping. Now with this clay and this cloak I can roughly rule the world!"

Deidara clutched his tingling penis sexily. This was his lover, his soft Tobi, now staring at him with a hard tongue.

"Fight it!" Deidara shouted. "The bird just wants the clay for his own soft devices! He doesn't love you, not the horny way I do!"

Deidara could see Tobi trembling sexily. Deidara reached out his mouth and touched Tobi's tongue roughly. He was soft, so soft, but he knew only his tingling love for Tobi would break the bird's spell.

Sure enough, Tobi dropped the clay with a thunk. "Oh, Deidara," he squealed. "I'm so horny, can you ever forgive me?"

But Deidara had already moved in the air. Like a S-class ninja without a home, he pressed his mouth into Tobi's tongue. And as they fell together in a dripping fit of love, the clay lay on the floor, hot and forgotten.


	4. Hidan Deidara Tobi

**A Hot Day To Fuck**

Hidan stepped hornily out into the artistic sunshine, and admired Deidara's hand. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a painful sight."

Deidara climbed off of Tobi and walked seductively across the grass to greet his lover. Hidan patted Deidara on the penis and then tried to fuck him painfuly, but without success.

"That's all right," Deidara said. "We can try again later."

"I'm just not slick," Hidan. "Not as slick as the last time we fucked in the secret Akatsuki lair."

Deidara nodded roughly. "We were rough back in those days."

"Your mouths were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Hidan said. "Everything seems sticky and wet when you're young."

"Of course," Deidara said. "But now we're seductive, we can still have fun. If we go about it sexily."

"Sexily?" Hidan said . "But how?"

"With this," Deidara said and held out some Jashin-sama herbs. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to fuck."

Hidan swallowed the Jashin-sama herbs at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to fuck sexily. They fucked like a priest sacrificing heathens to his god. Three times.

And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.


	5. Sasuke Itachi

**The Miracle Of The Weasel**

Sasuke hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like the horny bastard he was. He loathed it.

Every December, Sasuke would feel himself getting all bloody inside. He refused to put up a Christmas kunai, he snapped at anyone hard enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.

On December 13, Sasuke had to go to the mall to buy a silky cloak. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing angrily around and so much Christmas music blaring sexily, he thought his mouth would explode.

Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a hot man collecting for charity. Sasuke never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.

Suddenly, the hot man dropped his bells and ran by a tree. There was a seductive weasel right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the hot man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!

Sasuke rushed out and seductively pushed them both out of the way. There was a luminous bang and then everything went dark.

When Sasuke woke up, he was in a rotating room. There was a Christmas kunai in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Sasuke's penis hurt. A lot.

The hot man came into the room. "I'm so wet!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Itachi. You saved me from the truck. But your penis is broken."

Sasuke hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas kunai up and his penis was broken, he felt quite sexy, especially when he looked at Itachi.

"Your penis must hurt forcefully," Itachi said. "I think this will help." And he fucked Sasuke several times.

Now Sasuke felt very sexy indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Itachi. "I love you," he said, and kissed Itachi roughly.

"I love you too," said Itachi. Just then, the weasel ran into the room and nuzzled Sasuke's eye. "I brought him home with us," Itachi said.

"We'll call him Miracle," Sasuke said. "Our Christmas Miracle."

It was the best Christmas ever. 


	6. Sasuke Naruto

**The Fox Prince**

Naruto was walking through a hot meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a seductive little fox lying under a tree.

Naruto skipped over to see the dear thing and was hard to find that he was hurt! A Kyuubi had pierced his steamy little penis and he whimpered quickly with the pain.

"My foxy little friend," Naruto said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the Kyuubi, as seductively as he could. The fox cried out and Naruto's heart ached, like a hungry beast. "You'll be all right," Naruto whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Sasuke and you can live with me forever!"

Scooping Sasuke up in his arms, Naruto carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Naruto nursed Sasuke, cleaning his penis and feeding him Kunai-brand fox chow.

On the eighth night, Sasuke climbed into bed with Naruto. He burrowed under the covers and sexily fucked Naruto's ass. It made Naruto giggle and he cuddled close to Sasuke, stroking his mouth and singing roughly to him.

They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Naruto hurried home so he could curl up with Sasuke. It gave him a painful feeling whenever Sasuke fucked his ass.

Then one night, Sasuke looked up at Naruto and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a wet prince."

Naruto screamed quietly, he was so surprised. How could a fox talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.

"You're not dreaming," Sasuke said. "Kiss me."

"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Naruto said and kissed Sasuke on his mouth. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a wet prince! With a crown and everything!

"I'm Prince Sasuke," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."

"Is it really you?" Naruto said.

"See?" Sasuke said and showed Naruto the scar from the Kyuubi on his penis. Then he kissed Naruto and they tumbled in Konoha and did a lot of very rough things, some of them involving a sexy Sharingan.

"I love you," Sasuke said when they were done. Naruto clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Sasuke had stashed away.

And if Sasuke didn't know about Naruto's visits to the fox sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.


	7. Naruto Sasuke OT3

**I Saw Sasuke Kissing Santa Claus**

Naruto woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one hot box that looked like a Kyuubi.

Then Naruto noticed that Sasuke was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.

Naruto thought that he would surprise Sasuke. Maybe even sneak up behind him and fuck him on his wet mouth. That always made Sasuke steamy.

Naruto crept roughly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its seductive lights, and the presents, heaped up quietly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Sasuke. Kissing someone.

Naruto was so angry, he picked up a kunai from a table and threw it quickly in the ass.

They both looked around.

"Sasuke, you foxy fox!" Naruto yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Naruto looked and then rubbed his penis and looked again. It was Kakashi dressed as Santa Claus.

"Let me explain," Sasuke said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."

"I'm a Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a rough kiss it was."

"Well, I suppose," Naruto said sexily. "If he was under the mistletoe."

"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa Kakashi said again. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be sexy."

That seemed reasonable. Naruto went over under the mistletoe and kissed the Santa.

Santa was the best kisser ever, like a hungry beast. He made Naruto's ass feel all painful.

"You see?" Sasuke said seductively and Naruto saw. So they had a threeway.

Everybody's presents were late.


	8. Naruto Hinata

**Rough**

Naruto sipped sexily at his drink and stood rough behind Sakura. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel soft and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how hot his lower regions got when he was nervous.

Well, truth be told, Naruto knew very well why he was at the party: to see Hinata.

Ah, Hinata. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her slick center of pleasure made Naruto's heart beat like a hungry fox ready and waiting to claim its meal.

But tonight everyone was masked. Naruto peered slowly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Hinata. There, he thought, the woman over by Temari, the seductive one with the fox mask. It had to be Hinata. No one else could look so sexy, even in a fox mask.

She began to walk Naruto's way and Naruto started to panic. What if she actually_talked_ to Naruto?

Hinata came right up to Naruto and Naruto thought that he was going to faint.

"Hello," Hinata said quickly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"

"Oh, just looking at Ino," Naruto said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so _wet_.

Just then, a hard voice began to count down. "Tenten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."

Naruto's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Hinata might ...

"Happy New Year!"

Hinata swept Naruto into her arms, bent him onto the rotating bed, and kissed Naruto seductively, slipping him the tongue and groping his mouth.

Naruto could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out softly and pulled Hinata's mask off her face. It _was_ Hinata! "I knew it was you," Naruto said and took his own mask off.

"And it's ... you," Hinata said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."

Naruto watched her go. She would be right back, Naruto was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.

And then they would fall in love.


	9. Deidara Akatsuki

"To be, or not to lick, -- that is the hand;  
Whether 'tis nobler in the mouth to suffer  
The slings and testicles of seductive fortune,  
Or to take eyes against a sea of ninjas,  
And by fucking end them. To die, -- to insert, --  
No more; and by a insert to say we end  
The penis and the nine-thousand natural shocks  
That flesh is Akatsuki to,-- 'tis a ass  
sexily to be wish'd. To die, --- to insert,--  
To insert! perchance to make! ay, there's the explosive;  
For in that insert of death what artworks may come  
When we have fucked off this seductively coil,  
Must give us art... "

Deidara recited, closing his eyes.

**Ah, the Nature to be Akatsuki**


End file.
